The Bad Jews of Boston

As many of my 6 loyal blog followers may know (it might be down to 3 after the last post actually) I hail from Massachusetts originally and somehow I ended up in this fine gem of a city on Passover, which is like a Jewish easter but obviously way cooler.

The odds of me being in Boston on this tour on a major Jewish holiday are about as high as the odds of Sandra Bullock actually deserving her best actress Academy award this year for "Blindside." Honestly, she couldn't act her way out a wet paper bag and now she has housewives across America adopting these ghetto ass kids thinking they are going to be this mentor for the next sports star, only to find out that their family jewelry, cash and furniture have been stolen in the middle of the night as a result of their so called 'good intentions.' Sandra Bullock does not have the acting chops that Leo Dicaprio has in his little pinky finger and has he gotten an oscar yet? But I digress...

My lil brudder Matty also visited me out there for a few days. Seeing him was like a breath of air as fresh as Jessica Alba's ass after a colonoscopy (too much?).

I was also able to meet up with my amazing cousins, aunts and uncles while out there and it may come as no surprise that great times ensued, laughs were had and drinks were imbibed. My Uncle Michael led a Passover seder on Sunday, which may go down in history as the shortest, most abbreviated and ultimately the sweetest of all time. Generally a Passover Seder should last a good 2-3 hours minimum to cover all the songs, prayers, story telling, etc. An Orthodox seder will last a solid 4 hours.

I could not help but chuckle at how laid back or "reformed" of Jews we have become as of late. "Reformed" is the sect of Judaism that the orthodox refer to as "The Bad Jews." Well, while all the orthodox are starving to death and struggling through their seders, us "bad jews" were eating brisket, turkey, stuffing and drinking Manischewitz about 20 minutes into the seder. Thanks Auntie Maureen for the epic meal and Uncle Michael for the seder, your narration was both sufficient, entertaining and brief enough for us all to retain our sanity that fine day.

I would also like to add that my brother and I got lost driving home in the city for like 2 hours getting followed by "Staties" aka State Police of MA and I tried to take a picture of "Morrissey blvd." Much like our driving mission I failed. To make a long story short we ended up parking on the side of the road and calling a taxi to take us back to the hotel. It wasn't funny at the time, but since it has been a few days I am going to go ahead and tell myself that it's hilarious now.