I think to myself how fortunate I am to have landed in such plush accomodations for the night. Then before long it was time to venture out on this so called Jarvis St. in search of cold drink. The first sign I see is for a "best ass" contest and like any man my interest is piqued. As I look to the adjoining signs I am assaulted by a visual of an oiled up fire-man and his derrier. Ahh, I gasp as I wonder if I am now gay because I got excited for seeing the best ass contest sign and it was for dudes.
As we round another corner I see a group of young women standing around shooting the bull. They are dressed in pretty revealing clothing I notice as I walk past, a little too revealing one may say. Thigh high white boots all around, gozongas hanging out that could crush a man's skull and the ever present cloud of cigarette smoke around them. Wait a minute... I think these girls are prossies aka women of the night.
They ask me if I wanted to take a few girls to my room for a good time.
"Not really," I reply, "but have a good night."
"Don't lie, they all reply in unison and laugh. Well, it's official these girls are whores. Next I go to pick up the local newspaper to see if I can find a nice antique sale or something and I am shocked at what I find. Truly shocked (see below).
After extensive research via buying of shots for a bartender, I discover that Jarvis Street is a world renowned hang out for whores and gays. It's like a Canadian Vegas where anything goes.
Harveys is a hamburger chain in Canada and I soon learn that the one next to my hotel is the world renowned "Hooker Harveys" where you can get a burger and a piece of ass at the same time.
Whilst leaving this bar, which was an Irish pub, not a gay bar, thank you, I see the streets are now swarming with prossies. They are everywhere, with fishnets, heels, the whole nine. Traffic is essentially stopped. Somehow I manage to get back to my hotel room unscathed and ungayed after making a slight detour by a late night Shawerma joint. Upon my arrival to the Ramada, I see a man and woman stumble into the elevator cutting right past me, making out furiously and tearing each others clothes off. It was a regular freak fest, I tell you. I tell them I'll wait for the next one and they basically fall into the elevator, the air stank with feromones.
I laugh with my friends that a $1,000/ night hotel doesn't mean you will be in a reputable part of town. Besides that, Toronto is an amazing city, very diverse and metropolitan, but not without its seedy underbelly. Our game was where the Raptors and Maple Leafs play and it was delightful. Thanks Toronto, you kick ass.
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