Don't F around in the D

New Year's Eve in Detroit was an interesting little foray to say the least. To begin with, my hotel had some fancy club party going on and due to a bone chilling temp of 5 degrees, I donned my shiny shirt, greased up my hair, put on at least 7 dabs of cologne and ventured in (I had to blend in right). I actually didn't do this, but had I done so the rest of my evening could have been wuite different indeed.

Apparently Detroit has a large population of Caldeans (which are a type of Iraqi Christians aka the east coast version of Armenians) that comprised about 90% of the party's demographic.

After hours of imbibing alcoholic beverages at an open bar, one was thrown out of the party and upon telling the bouncers how unappreciative he was of their efforts to end his night early, a brutal melee ensued (see guy with bloodied face). The disgruntled Caldean proceeded to throw a trash can at the bouncers, and his next memory will now forever be that 8 huge, rampaging, out of control bruisers beat him into a pulp on the sidewalk while it was snowing outside.

The bouncers who were wearing auto mechanic's gloves (better for face smashin) began issuing savage beatdowns left and right. Kicking and punching out of line party goers in the face and throwing them on the ground. It was seriously insane, people were bloody everywhere, girls were screaming and crying and more Caldeans kept on coming up to the bouncers for more pain.

The girl (shown above) above started screaming at her boyfriend about this time and hitting him for some odd reason I am unsure of, but it had something to do with being white and not Caldean and him not accepting that fact.

At one point the rowdiest of the bouncers was carried off by the others after going completely apeshit on an unconscious guy, "He hit me first, I'm not going to stop until I find my hat," he cried as his fists rained down on his unmoving opponent with blinding speed. In his defense it was a really nice hat with the stickers still on it and everything.

Meanwhile, a fellow observer tells me, "You don't fuck around in the D!" as we enjoy a cold beer outside while this carnage ensues around us.

Finally, after about 6 people are in need of medical attention, and puddles of blood paint the snow and concrete red, the police arrive and who do they see. Just me, drinking a beer on the sidewalk, smiling and enjoying the scene before me.

The offficer, a "take no shit" 350 pound detroit cop comes up to me, "You are drinking an open container in public, put it down."

"Ok," I reply. As I go to throw the bottel away I take one last sip.

The cop shouts, "If you take a drink, you're spending the night in jail."

Did I mention at this time there was a war going on around me?

Alas, as he says this I am already taking one last sip of the beer and throwing it away, "You want to do it the hard way?" he says as I am thrown against the hood of the police car and handcuffed quite tight. I am subsequently thrown in the squad car while he goes inside the party to break it up.

I couldn't help but laugh at my own misfortune, perhaps my own stupidity. To make a long story short, I see some crew members from HGT and I am yelling at them through the window of the squad car to help me out. Keep in mind I am the new guy on the tour, 5 days in and I manage to get arrested/detained. They are able to smooth talk the cop into letting me go about 45 minutes later as bloodied Caldeans walk by shirtless and swollen, mocking bouncers as they exit. I was thankful the police officer had the courtesy to leave the heat on in the car that whole time, so in a sense I had the best possible view of the scene.

The last words the cop says to me after looking at my ID are, "I don't know how you do it out in California, but this here is Detroit. You don't mess around in Detroit...."