Top Gun Trailer Re-Cut

This under the gaydar trailer for the legendary 80's genre film Top Gun is golden. Have a look and prepare to laugh until you spew bodily fluids out of all your orifices.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekXxi9IKZSA

Jew Fun Facts

Jewish Fun Facts will be a regular installment on this blog to educate the readers about all the crazy wacky things that those kooky Jews do, which most gentiles are unaware of. Enjoy...

FACT: ALL JEWS LOVE HUMMUS, ALOT!

FACT: ALL JEW SKATEBOARDERS LIKE TO POSE IN FRONT OF ISRAELI FLAGS

FACT: NOT ALL JEWS WEAR THOSE FUNNY HATS AKA YARMULKES (yah-muh-kah), BUT THIS ONE DOES...

Green Monster University aka my cousin's new book

My cousin Andy Wasif is as comedic as a young virile Jerry Seinfeld and he just wrote a book called Green Monster University: Creating Die-Hahd Fans Since 1901. I will not hesitate to encourage you all to purchase this item post-haste. This comedic "textbook" illustrates the teachings and life lessons that create the the worldview of any hahd core Red Sox fan, which can all be learned at "Green Monster University."

I know what you're thinking, "F$%# the Sox, they win all the time now." This is where you are dead wrong, my friend. After 86 years of losing amidst humiliation and degradation, the only way a Sox fan could cope is through humor, much like the Jews. The result of these repeated postseason thrashings is this tome of knowledge and tomfoolery, a metaphorical guidebook for us all to navigate this crazy playoff series called life.

Hey, don't do it for me, do it because people from Boston are just funny. They speak kind of retahded, they drink cooooffee, they pahk the cah, they bang whoooahhs and instead of getting drunk they get wicked pissah, all that.


Here is a little description, so stop toggling between my blog and internet porn and just focus for a moment:

Green Monster University teaches enthusiasts of all aptitudes and levels of passion what it takes to be a Red Sox fan. This book has every piece of information you'd ever want to know about them . . . some of it factual. With this book, you'll learn about all the intricacies that go along with being in the best fan base in the country.

Andre the Giant, my new favorite drunk

I have a new favorite drunkard and incidentally it is Andre The Giant, recently crowned the Greatest Drunk Ever by Modern Drunkard magazine. He is pure M-A-N, and could drink your punk ass under the table 20 times over.

Here are some liver blowing statistics about the notorious 7 foot 5, 500 pound wrestler/pile of shit:

Andre the Giant drank 7,000 calories worth of booze every day

According to Hulk Hogan, Andre drank, at a minimum, a case of tall boys during each bus ride. When he finished a can Andre would belch, crush the can in his dinner-platter-sized hand, and bounce the empty off the back of Hogan’s head.

Andre the Giant holds the world record for the largest number of beers consumed in a single sitting. These were standard 12-ounce bottles of beer, during a six-hour period. Andre drank 119 beers in six hours. That’s a beer every three minutes, non stop.

On another occasion, Andre was touring the Kansas City territory and went out for drinks after a show with Bobby Heenan and several other wrestlers. When the bartender hollered last call, Andre, slightly annoyed, announced that he didn’t care to leave. Rather than risk an altercation with his hulking customer, the bartender told Andre he could stay only if he was drinking, imagining, surely, that he would soon be rid of the big fella. Andre thanked the man, and proceeded to order 40 vodka tonics. He sat there drinking them, one after another, finishing the last at just after five in the morning.

As you can see, it's not easy to be a complete piece of shit, but Andre the Giant was determined, committed and belligerent with an unquenchable thirst. He achieved his goals and he wasn't a little bitch about it, setting several world drinking records in the process. Some say he had a terrible drinking "problem," but I disagree, it was a drinking solution. As you can see, this oversized goofy bastard solved alot of drinking issues in his lifetime. Our hats go off to you Andre, Rest in Peace.

Save Henseleys

Matt Henseley's bar is a dope place to chill. Sunday nights there with DJ Blairly Legal are a damn good time with the Smiths playing constantly (Did I mention Morrissey is my lord and saviour?). The real kick in the balls is that the place closes down early, much like a whore's legs in church. Sign this petition to help the place stay open later. Or don't if you're a lazy pile like me. I really don't give a fuck.

Garbage Blog

For starters, check out this funny ass SNL vid: