Greg's Garbage

New apartment CMR

2010-04-26T13:05:00.001-07:00

I am not one that believes in wasting time so without any delay, I moved into a beautiful new apartment in Carmel Mountain Ranch with my boo. It is amazing and nicer than 80 percent of the fancy hotels I have stayed in over the past months. The only difference is that now when I throw trash on the ground and drop towels on the floor, I have to clean it up myself. With every sweet there is a sour...Hey, at least, I can't get locked out on the 12th floor here. Living with my old lady is not too shabby either. Greggy = happy.

Sushay Deli

2010-04-26T12:56:00.001-07:00

Finally I arrive in San Diego after a long flight home and instantly I am made to feel right at home again. After my girl picked me up at the airport and brought me to the Sushi Deli for a nice meal together, I was shocked and awed, nearly moved to tears when my brothers and all of my friends showed up to greet me. Good friends, good food, hot sake, a few laughs.... Damn life is good!!

Who needs the road when everything you could ever want or need is right in your backyard.

Goodbye sweet Trotters

2010-04-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

With a heavy heart, I packed my bags for the last time and got ready for the flight home. I picked up a few extra things on tour and getting that luggage in my suitcase was quite the task. Somehow I manage and after a surprisingly unemotional goodbye (all business for the road warriors), I part ways with my globetrotter family and on to san diego. Not before I can listen to some Biggie on the Ipod and take down some BBQ pulled pork at the Neely restaurant (they have a show on the food network) and suck down a bloody mary. As I started this trip I shall also end it with a refreshing $15 drink at an airport bar.

As I sit on the plane homewards bound I can not help but reflect on the people I have met and the places I have seen over the past 4.5 months. It was a true life experience to never be forgotten. I imagined myself sitting in a retirement home 50 years from now slurping noodles and telling some nurse, "I used to tour with the Harlem Globetrotters, I swear."

"Sure you did, crazy old bastard," she'll think as she politley smiles, then feeds me and dreads having to wipe my ass later because I can't do it myself.

As I travel back to life and back to reality, I make a mental point that I would not take anything back or do it differently in a million years. For someone with little to no formal training, I have had an extremely fortunate professional life and have avoided sitting in a cubicle for the most part. Without bragging, I feel confident saying that people would kill for the opportunity I have just had. Photographers would step over their own dying grandmothers to shoot for the Globetrotters and get paid.

On the way home, some fat man on the plane asked me what my favorite city was after all the ones I have visited. I looked at him straight in the eyes and said without hesitating, "San Diego."

The difference between myself and all of my friends on the long road with the Trotters is that I have amazing friends and family at home, which makes being on the road that much more difficult than someone with no ties. I missed my home constantly, while others dread going home, fighting to stay on the road for just one more tour. Is it living the dream out there, traveling the world for free or is it living in a suspended reality, I wonder?

Either way, after being gone for 1/3 of a year nothing makes me more happy than going home to my friends, family and my girl. "Would you do it again?" someone also asked me recently.

My answer: I love to travel and would do so for short stretches, but at the end of the day home is where the heart is. San Diego is my heart and unaabashedly I can say it is the place that makes me the happiest and most fulfilled.

Chicag- whoa

2010-04-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

Chicago damn near blew my mind and is clearly one of the most superb cities in 'Merrrica. Now I know what all the hype is about. After the game at the United Center I get a photo on the Bull at half court and with the Michael Jordan statue. That place has a copious amount of sports history that has taken place there and it was a delight to even be there.

The next morning, with skateboard and camera in hand, I ventured out in the city on a blustery day to see what I could get into. The architecture was the perfect mix of old and new, the skyline was phenomenal.

The highlight of the day was after the mission when I returned to the hotel to "mentally prepare" for a five hour bus ride at a friend's room. After "mentally preparing" on the 11th floor, I notice that I had very little time to get to my room on the 12th floor, grab my bags and run down to the bus. Upon entering the staircase I hear the door click shut behind me, a noise that was completely unimportant and trivial at the time. I ascend a story to the 12th floor and to my horror the door is locked. 4 months of using staircases in hotels and never a locked door. The sign on the door reads, "Door Locked, Exit on ground floor only." Ok, that is a little weird. I go up another level and see the same sign on the door. Oh shit, I am getting a little nervous now. I go down another story and see the same sign, door locked. I can't help but laugh at my misfortune here after I curse the heavens for this odd twist of fate. The time is now 11:47. the bus leaves at 12 and there is a $50 per minute fine, given that the bus does not leave without me, meaning my job has been given the kaibash.

I charge down those 12 flights of stairs in about 4 minutes, now breaking a sweat and huffing and puffing. Finally, I exit at the ground floor and see everyone getting on the bus, which means I have about 5 minutes and I still haven't packed yet. After almost knocking over a few people I get on the elevator back up to the 12th, throw my clothes in a suitcase and leave with no time to see if I forgot anything.

I board the bus at 11:59 and am greeted by a chorus of mockery and teasing for almost missing the bus. Mother f*&%$er's, you don't know what I have just been through. Thank the heavens I was mentally prepared enough to survive that bus ride and the torrent of teasing and insults (because I am never late, no doubt). On to the final leg of the journey now.

Good bye Chicago, ol Greggy will miss ya baby, don't forget about me.

Native American-apolis

2010-04-18T18:52:00.000-07:00

Indianapolis is one of my favorite cities in this fine country. Very clean, everything is close and easy to get to and there are enough bars in walking distance to satisfy the likes of Michael Madsen. For once, the weather was perfect (notice the t-shirt) so I did the whole jerk tourist thing and cruised the streets gawking at all the sites, jaywalking, and having my friends take pictures of me in front of statues. This is a pretty shitty post, sorry guys, nothing epic to brag about except the sites, my trippy hotel where I was convinced I would fall to my untimely death and the chicken wings I ate at Hooters that night.

Land of Cleve

2010-04-18T18:22:00.000-07:00

Somehow I manage to survive Canada and after a 6 hour coma of a bus ride I find myself back in Detroit. My readers will remember that Detroit was where I instantly became a Globetrotter legend by getting thrown in a police car the first week of tour. Detroit flew by this time with no incarcerations or beatings and soon thereafter I was back in Cleveland on what turned out to be opening day for the Indians. With a few hours to kill I hit the streets, which were jam packed with drunk yahoos making their way towards the stadium. The boys and I post up at a Vietnamese spot on the main strip and enjoy $2 beers while these loyal fans denigrate themselves and their city with their booze-fueled Shenanigans.

Due to a miscommunication, another photographer from the company was sent to Cleveland for that night's game. He was happy to help, which to me meant that he would be happy to do all the work for me that day so I stuck him with it. While he was uploading photos, I was able to venture out in the town for some cold refreshments.

One quick side note, Lebron's kids were at the game with their nanny and I am going to go ahead and say that they are some little punks who must be reined in or they are sure to join the ranks of such wealthy little bastards as Paris Hilton or Nicole Ritchie. Seriously, these kids would not listen, didn't care about anything, while everyone kissed their asses all day and told them how great they were. Utterly ridiculous, but not their faults, surely the blame lies on the nanny and those around which allow these menaces to get away with highway robbery. What can you do, their father is a living god of basketball and they are heroes in the city. I can't help but wonder what would happen to me if I spank Lebron's kids and teach them some much needed discipline.

Toront- Oh My there's a lot of hookers

2010-04-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

The bus meanders its way into Toronto and we find ourselves smack dab on Jarvis St. at a swanky Ramada Inn which boasts a $1000/ night price tag.

I think to myself how fortunate I am to have landed in such plush accomodations for the night. Then before long it was time to venture out on this so called Jarvis St. in search of cold drink. The first sign I see is for a "best ass" contest and like any man my interest is piqued. As I look to the adjoining signs I am assaulted by a visual of an oiled up fire-man and his derrier. Ahh, I gasp as I wonder if I am now gay because I got excited for seeing the best ass contest sign and it was for dudes.

As we round another corner I see a group of young women standing around shooting the bull. They are dressed in pretty revealing clothing I notice as I walk past, a little too revealing one may say. Thigh high white boots all around, gozongas hanging out that could crush a man's skull and the ever present cloud of cigarette smoke around them. Wait a minute... I think these girls are prossies aka women of the night.

They ask me if I wanted to take a few girls to my room for a good time.
"Not really," I reply, "but have a good night."
"Don't lie, they all reply in unison and laugh. Well, it's official these girls are whores. Next I go to pick up the local newspaper to see if I can find a nice antique sale or something and I am shocked at what I find. Truly shocked (see below).

After extensive research via buying of shots for a bartender, I discover that Jarvis Street is a world renowned hang out for whores and gays. It's like a Canadian Vegas where anything goes.

Harveys is a hamburger chain in Canada and I soon learn that the one next to my hotel is the world renowned "Hooker Harveys" where you can get a burger and a piece of ass at the same time.

Whilst leaving this bar, which was an Irish pub, not a gay bar, thank you, I see the streets are now swarming with prossies. They are everywhere, with fishnets, heels, the whole nine. Traffic is essentially stopped. Somehow I manage to get back to my hotel room unscathed and ungayed after making a slight detour by a late night Shawerma joint. Upon my arrival to the Ramada, I see a man and woman stumble into the elevator cutting right past me, making out furiously and tearing each others clothes off. It was a regular freak fest, I tell you. I tell them I'll wait for the next one and they basically fall into the elevator, the air stank with feromones.

I laugh with my friends that a $1,000/ night hotel doesn't mean you will be in a reputable part of town. Besides that, Toronto is an amazing city, very diverse and metropolitan, but not without its seedy underbelly. Our game was where the Raptors and Maple Leafs play and it was delightful. Thanks Toronto, you kick ass.

Otta- whah???

2010-04-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

Miraculously, the G-Trotter gods from up above bestowed a day off unto its lowly crew on Easter Sunday and what did we all do with this blessed free time? Engage in as much hedonistic activity as humanly possible within a 24 hour time span (yes Poutine was included).

We found ourselves in Ottawa, which I later found out was the capital of Canada. Who'd a thunk it? I thought there was a bunch of old buildings there for a reason.
And people were speaking English again, bygods. We must have left Quebec at some point and ventured into Ontario. Although less 'sexy' and foreign than Montreal, I must say that Ottawa has got it going on. During a hearty walk-about the city, I experienced tons of historical landmarks, statues, and sweet new modern buildings, as well as great pubs with open patios where you can drink hearty Candian lagers outdoors. I experienced a few too many of these pubs apparently and ended up passing out back at my hotel room for a good chunk of the day, good times.

All the while, people across the world were in Church awaiting Jesus's rebirthday or something. I am not really sure about the true meaning of Easter, and am lazy enough when it comes to my own religion. When it comes to others I have an attention span the size of Sandra Bullocks capacity to act (which means it is nonexistent).

Just kidding about Easter, I do know exactly what it is all about and this blog is not intended to spark religious debate (that's what the family dinner table is for). As far as Sandra Bullock, I wish I was kidding but the Blind Side seriously blind sided 2 hours of my life and I want them back.

Montreal, Quebec

2010-04-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Montreal is alot like a clean, not so scummy New York where everyone speaks French. I was actually a bit dumbfounnded at how metropolitan, diverse and meticulously clean the city was. Seriously, I could not find a scrap of trash on the ground for the life of me, which was really scary for some odd reason.

From the streets flooded with tourists, street performers, great restaurants and shopping, to the booby bars touting their "Super full contact" dances, pardon my 'Quebec' but the place has a lot of shit going on at all times. I was able to cruise the streets where I stumbled upon an abandoned mall at 3am in my hotel, an italian dinner courtesy of the Trotters, great architecture and museums, absinthe, and some of the best people watching I have ever seen. For the first time on this tour I felt like I was in a foreign country. And it was nothing like the time I was in Kentucky and just couldn't understand what the hell people were saying. This time the people were actually speaking a foreign language... and there wasn't even a Wal Mart in sight (sigh).

Most importantly, I learned how to say "Je Suis American," which means I am American. Why is this important you may ask? Well, apparently being Canadian and not knowing French makes you a huge, insulting asshole while being American and not knowing French just makes you a regular sized asshole. That fine day, I was proud to be just a regular sized asshole.

Ca-Na-Duh

2010-04-01T20:39:00.000-07:00

The eagle has landed in Ontario Canada and the first day was most definitely a sweet one. To begin with, I discovered a beatiful creation called Poutine, which contains french fries covered in gravy with fresh mozzarella cheese. It is a true gut busting, cholesterol raising, heart attack inducing delight and I am secretly thankful it is not readily available in SD. If it were, I may very well weigh about 336 pounds at any given time.

The country is also so into hockey that they have pictures of it on their scrillah. I couldn't help but laugh at the silly Canadians and think to myself, "Hockey? that's not a real sport, it's more like an extra curricular activity that your parents make you play because they caught you smoking weed after school and they want to teach you some discipline. The proof of hockey's wavering status as a superior sport clearly being that it is not completely dominated by African Americans. Sorry Hofherr, it's just science.

Canada is so much like America it seems like just another state at times but something you can't put your finger on is off. Maybe it's that the people are too polite or that all the signs are in French and English, or maybe it's just not dirty and scummy enough for me. It could be their affinity for hockey, their aversion to sticking their nose in foreign affairs that have nothing to do with them or the lack of fast food restaurants on every corner. There is also the fact that if I pick a fight with some local yahoo for no reason and he busts up my "money maker" up a.k.a. my nose, I can get it fixed for free by a qualified doctor.

In essence, we just might have to stick our nose in Canada and get our hands on some of that sweet untamed 'freedom' they got going on over there someday soon.

The Bad Jews of Boston

2010-03-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

As many of my 6 loyal blog followers may know (it might be down to 3 after the last post actually) I hail from Massachusetts originally and somehow I ended up in this fine gem of a city on Passover, which is like a Jewish easter but obviously way cooler.

The odds of me being in Boston on this tour on a major Jewish holiday are about as high as the odds of Sandra Bullock actually deserving her best actress Academy award this year for "Blindside." Honestly, she couldn't act her way out a wet paper bag and now she has housewives across America adopting these ghetto ass kids thinking they are going to be this mentor for the next sports star, only to find out that their family jewelry, cash and furniture have been stolen in the middle of the night as a result of their so called 'good intentions.' Sandra Bullock does not have the acting chops that Leo Dicaprio has in his little pinky finger and has he gotten an oscar yet? But I digress...

My lil brudder Matty also visited me out there for a few days. Seeing him was like a breath of air as fresh as Jessica Alba's ass after a colonoscopy (too much?).

I was also able to meet up with my amazing cousins, aunts and uncles while out there and it may come as no surprise that great times ensued, laughs were had and drinks were imbibed. My Uncle Michael led a Passover seder on Sunday, which may go down in history as the shortest, most abbreviated and ultimately the sweetest of all time. Generally a Passover Seder should last a good 2-3 hours minimum to cover all the songs, prayers, story telling, etc. An Orthodox seder will last a solid 4 hours.

I could not help but chuckle at how laid back or "reformed" of Jews we have become as of late. "Reformed" is the sect of Judaism that the orthodox refer to as "The Bad Jews." Well, while all the orthodox are starving to death and struggling through their seders, us "bad jews" were eating brisket, turkey, stuffing and drinking Manischewitz about 20 minutes into the seder. Thanks Auntie Maureen for the epic meal and Uncle Michael for the seder, your narration was both sufficient, entertaining and brief enough for us all to retain our sanity that fine day.

I would also like to add that my brother and I got lost driving home in the city for like 2 hours getting followed by "Staties" aka State Police of MA and I tried to take a picture of "Morrissey blvd." Much like our driving mission I failed. To make a long story short we ended up parking on the side of the road and calling a taxi to take us back to the hotel. It wasn't funny at the time, but since it has been a few days I am going to go ahead and tell myself that it's hilarious now.

Portland Maine

2010-03-30T22:07:00.000-07:00

After a mind-addling, Nyquil filled, delirious 15 hour ride due south through Canada I awoke suddenly to find myself in Portland Maine (it could have been Islamabad Pakistan for all I knew at the time). As I cleared the cobwebs out of my brain and attempted to find my bearings, one clear thought entered my mind -- succulent Maine Lobster.

Maine Lobster in Maine is one of those items you have on the old bucket list to cross off before you die, so armed with a few of the crew we ventured out in search of the perfect Lobstrocities to consume.

How does one find the perfect lobster in an unfamiliar town one may ask? Well, I began with finding the fattest person I could under the assumption that he/she would know where to find the best of the best when it comes to food. In this case it was my jovial 350 pound cab driver, who after recommending a restaurant delved into a diatribe on the inner workings of the world of consuming lobster.

This guy may have been driving a cab but he could have definitely taught a master's class on the topic of lobster in Maine. He covered such wide ranging topics as the difference between Maine lobster and those oversized shrimp langostines they sell on the west coast marketed as Maine lobster to what the best way to eat a lobster is to how the ocean currents of Maine create the perfect enviroment for these lobster to thrive. Once he started talking, he wouldn't or perhaps couldn't stop until we reached our destination $20 in cab fare later (pricey but well worth it). Thanks Fat Man, you will be remembered.

The place was Demilio's and it sits on a boat on the Portland harbor, the special was two twin lobsters for $20. None of us looked at the menu, simply telling the garcon to go grab us one stuffed and one steamed lobster each and to not dilly dally.

Words can not describe the delights that were to ensue, photographs can do nothing to convey the experience of cracking that poor little lobster into a million little pieces (did you catch that reference to James Frey?) and eating that perfect succulent meat doused in garlic butter using my tiny little fork. My lobster put up a fight and did not want to be broken apart. So we went a few rounds and needless to say I broke that little bastard down and ate the hell out of him, voraciously I might add. The taste of that lobster alone is enough to drive a man howling mad with delight, streaking down the street in a daze of lobster induced euphoria. It was a meal that will truly ruin any later lobster meal I eat in life as they will surely pale in comparison to this experience.

I just want to thank those brave lobsters who gave their lives that day so I could eat a memorable meal. They put up a brave fight, but they were drastically outmatched and outgunned. May they go down in the history of this blog as true American heroes.

Halifax Canada

2010-03-24T19:46:00.001-07:00

My first experience in Canada set me off on the wrong foot and I was not sure if I would be able to recover from this sour taste in my mouth.

So I order a pizza for 10 US dollars, and when it arrived the bill was $22. "Wha?" you may ask. Well, delivery costs extra in Canada ($8, apparently) and the tax is super high too (like 30% or more). I couldn't help but curse Canada and its amazing free medical care as a result of the extra taxes. Canada had a lot of work to do to impress me at this point. And yes I know what you are thinking... Is Greg willing to write off an entire country for paying an extra $12 on a pizza?

Hell yes I am!

Then I woke up and found myself in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Halifax is a sweet little city which somehow reminds me of San Francisco due to the gloom, mix of old and modern buildings and the bridge off in the distance. Needless to say I was impressed from the get-go.

Again while at "work" I was able to grab the camera and trek up a steep hill to this extremely old citadel. The view was amazing, the clouds were dense and the pictures were, well, picturesque. I couldn't help but smile to myself at my good fortune as I sat on top of this elevated ancient city looking down upon the modern metropolis below. Thanks for the photos Halifax, you are A-OK in my book. My favorite is the fancy soldier depiction (shown below).

Bang-her, I mean Bangor Maine

2010-03-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

On March 22, the city of Bangor Maine awoke to find that its African American population had increased by 732% as a direct result of the Harlem Globetrotters coming into town. I'm just saying it stays "white" out pretty late in those parts. It must be some sort of early time change or something.

Not only is Bangor (pronounced Bang - Her) the home of Paul Bunyan aka Shakas it is also the home of Stephen King, author of the greatest saga of epic books ever written, entitled The Dark Tower.

After becoming completely immersed in these books it was a bit surreal to be in Bangor, mostly because Stephen King writes both himself and the town into the books. I hear he walks the same walk every day on the same street and goes to the same gas station at the same time as well (also in the books). The man likes his routine, apparently.

This area was right next to my hotel so I was giddy like a schoolgirl at the thought of seeing him. No luck in that department so I just had to keep on living my life and power through :(

Shortly thereafter, while I was "working" at the venue, I found the time to grab my skateboard and venture out to the skatepark next door. To my surprise after 3 months of snow, rain and non-stop cold my legs had not turned into atrophied, useless jelly-like twigs and I commenced shredding. Somewhere along the way I climbed a Paul Bunyan statue in the center of town and then off to Canada. Good times, thanks Bangher.

Glow in the Dark Bball Game

2010-03-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

This week, I was fortunate enough to shoot the first ever basketball game in the dark, thanks to Crayola's marketing machine directed towards pumping some newfangled glow in the dark crayons to our country's youth.

The globetrotters came out donning full glow in the dark, black light gear, to play what must have been an extremely difficult game vs. the Generals. For a few moments I couldn't remember if I was at a rave or at a basketball game. I couldn't help but wonder if the kid at Dunkin Donuts had slipped me some ecstasy this morning. One way or another it was pretty trippy brah.

Needless to say it was a very difficult lighting situation for photography so I just left the shutter open, posted up in the right places on court and saw what came my way. I was able to get a few gems and called it a day.

Can't help it, I love being a tourist/dork

2010-03-17T12:40:00.001-07:00

When in Rome...

Philadelphia

2010-03-15T11:02:00.001-07:00

In my humble view, Philadelphia is unequivocally one of the best cities in the world. It looks like Gotham city from Batman, with old stone buildings, new skyscrapers and ancient statues dotting the urban landscape.

Alright, enough with the fanciful travel writing style, Greg. Right? Ok jerk, well here is what I actually did:

Despite the pouring rains and 25 mph winds, I decided to brave the elements and charge through the city with my camera in hand one afternoon. Somehow I survived and more importantly so did the camera. The result was some amazing photos ranging from the stairs in Rocky to Love Park, a legendary skate spot. And I only got into an argument with one cabby who told me to stop giving him such a hard time or he would throw me out of the cab. It's inevitable when you question the navigational skills of a seasoned driver from the city of Philly with limited English vocabulary. I apologized and we parted ways as frienemies.

Virginia Beach

2010-03-07T16:38:00.000-08:00

After arriving in Virginia Beach to a hotel that looked like it had just survived the apocalypse, I managed to find the time to grab my camera and meander down towards the beach at sunset to pretend to passersby that I am some sort of hip artist. My hotel room had a balcony that looked right out on this beach, It was a true delight and well worth staying at the hotel in the midst of a serious renovation, that looks like it had been condemned recently.

Press Conference Penn State

2010-03-01T12:11:00.000-08:00

I had to give a press conference a week ago at Penn State after the photos we took came out especially awesome that day.

Here is a little excerpt:

"One question at a time please, I will get to all of you, if you just wait your turn. Yes, our photos were amazingly epic today, our shutter speeds were perfect, the apertures seemed to be executing quite well. We ran into some issues during the pregame, so we adjusted our ISO and that seemed to work out well for us. We are just taking this one day at a time here, you know. We don't want to get ahead of ourselves and say we are taking the most amazing photos ever, but if our luck holds up and we keep shooting the way we have been, we appear to be on the right track here. I want to thank God, Canon, my telephoto lens and my flashes. Thank you folks, good night!"

Show-Business

2010-03-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

It's official, I have been incorporated into a skit and am now part of the Globetrotters show. My job is to rush on court after the main Showman gets panced and is found to be wearing a tutu. A camera shutter clicking sound effect plays while I get all paparazzi out there and he demands that I stop taking pictures. Then he gets all into it and starts posing for me. Not to toot my own horn here but that's when the audience roars with laughter. The fans are left to wonder who that amazing, dynamic photographer out there is. But I must leave them disappointed, for I am but a simple man of the road, elusive and hard to capture.

Mascot Mayhem

2010-03-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

The other day, one of our inflatable mascots was damn near mauled to death at a game when a bunch of rowdy children rushed onto the court and mistook him for a giant punching bag. Keep in mind, my buddy is inside the suit being attacked from every angle. A few minutes after the situation was under control I thought to myself, "Wow, I just sat there and took pictures while my friend's life was in real danger."

He forgave me after we had a good laugh about it and noone got hurt so we all came out on top that day.

As for these misguided children, they will likely grow up to become homeless drug addicts, convicts and/or prostitutes, forced to wander the world pondering why life has dealt them such a poor hand. When they meet their maker, he will look at them and say, "Remember that one day you tried to murder that harmless, loveable, inflatable mascot..."

Epic Photo

2010-03-01T11:40:00.000-08:00

This is one of the most epic photos my lucky ass has ever had the opportunity to capture.

(Dunk by "Cobra")

3 Things

2010-03-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

Recently, my crew and I received a very encouraging pep talk from an old Globetrotter legend in an effort to keep us from slacking while on the road. It went a little something like this...

There are only 3 things in this world that can fuck a man up:

1) Greed

2) Crack Cocaine

3) Pussy

True words of wisdom from a very successful and very great man. I will never forget them as long as I live and neither should you.

Happy Bday Matty

2010-02-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

My lil brother Matt's b-day was last night so I dedicate this song to him. HAPPY BDAY MATT, I didn't forget either, I just remembered late. Love you dude.

_

And this little gem, that noone could ever dare forget out of fear that God Himself aka Morrissey, may descend upon us from his throne in heaven and strike everyone down using nothing but his sweet honey-like voice.

Freeboks

2010-02-24T20:57:00.000-08:00

I got flowed a pair of fresh Reebok kicks the other day, courtesy of HGT. Sorry Vox Footwear I am now exploring my options when it comes to getting free shoes.

Penn State

2010-02-24T20:45:00.000-08:00

I saw a huge framed poster of an old Globetrotter performing the purse skit (above) from the show hanging up at Penn State, so I had to re-create the image 15 years later (and much better of course). The pre-game show lighting was amazing too.

Penn State has one of the best college towns in the world, by the way. Cheap drinks and food coming out the ying yang.

Jersey Shore

2010-02-24T20:31:00.000-08:00

Here are some shots of the Jersey Shore taken while in Wildwood, NJ. It was sweet to see a beach with snow, and I captured my partner John (no homo, we work together) taking a flick in there.

No, the MTV show was not filming at the time but I wish it was because there were guidos all over. People do keep mistaking me for an I-talian, which is fun. I always proudly respond with,

"Sorry, I'm a Jew."

New Joisey

2010-02-24T20:23:00.000-08:00

Izod Center, New Jersey

MSG Baby

2010-02-15T21:40:00.000-08:00

Katz's Deli

2010-02-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

On a recent jaunt to NYC I was fortunate enough to feast at the famed Katz's Delicatessen. Take a gander at this corned beef, and the texture of that matzoh ball. It's enough to drive a mam howling mad with delight.

Trotters on Ice Pics

2010-02-14T19:22:00.000-08:00

Globetrotters on Ice

2010-02-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, history was made as the Globetrotters played the first ever game on ice right in the heart of Harlem. The rink in Central Park was set over a lake of and had two basketball hoops on either end, the ice had about an inch of snow on it. Wearing spiked cleats and helmets, the Trotters took to the ice while crowds of kids from the city who got the day off school and a flock of reporters from all the major media (AP, Reuters, NY Times, Daily News, Etc) looked on.

I made my way onto the ice, camera in hand and got a front row seat to something that has never been done before and probably won't ever be again, for obvious reasons.

Check me out lurking hard in the background amongst the video of the press (wearing a white and blue jacket).

http://www.reuters.com/news/video?videoChannel=2602&videoId=40814770

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr2Mra7AUmI

Globetrotters play game on ice rink in New York

By RICK FREEMAN (AP) – 1 day ago

NEW YORK — The Harlem Globetrotters have a new way to beat the Washington Generals — on ice.

The famed basketball barnstormers played on a hockey rink for the first time in their 84-year history Tuesday, putting on a show in New York's Central Park ahead of a tour of the area.

Both teams wore ice cleats on their shoes but the Globetrotters' mascot appeared unable to find ones that fit his cartoonish sneakers, and wound up adding some unintentional slapstick to the routine.

The Globetrotters' Kris "Hi-Lite" Bruton put on an old-school goalie mask and used a hockey stick to bat down a shot. The Generals grimly stuck to their usual brand of basketball — and lost 32-15.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE.

Conan Playing for the Generals?

2010-02-10T20:56:00.000-08:00

As you may or may not know, Conan's show is about to be canceled and he has been asked to play for the Generals. We are all freaking out over here, that Conan might make an appearance....

Globetrotters' Pathetic Rival Tries to Draft Conan

Posted Jan 21st 2010 4:00AM by TMZ Staff

Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter have been asked to help take down the Harlem Globetrotters -- by joining forces with the team that's lost to the Trotters a highly pathetic 13,000 times in a row.

In a letter sent to Conan's office by Red Klotz, the president of the Washington Generals, Red asks Conan and Andy to suit up with the team for the remainder of the 2010 season ... after team scouts learned the duo "may be available over the next several months."

Klotz believes the team would benefit from "[Conan's] height and Andy's lane-clogging potential" -- but "can't guarantee any immediate wins."

Sadly, Klotz isn't trying to draft the Masturbating Bear ... we hear he's a very accurate shooter.

Bad Ass Jews

2010-02-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

Check out this link to see a list of "Bad Ass Jews in history." I think they forgot ME on there. Maybe I'll make it in 2011.

http://www.11points.com/news-politics/11_most_badass_jews_in_history

Mad Kegs

2010-02-01T21:40:00.000-08:00

Hella kegs in a hockey arena near Canada. Surprised?

Random Skate Spots on the road

2010-02-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

I keep running in to all these really tasty looking skate spots on the road. I thought I would post a few of these pics before they disappear into my "pit of despair" aka hard drive containing years' worth of photo archives.

I was about to skate all of these spots but decided that they looked too easy and that I'd leave them for the young bucks. Besides, I don't want to risk breaking a sweat and not being freezing ass cold. Alright, no more complaining about the cold, I swear.

Akron OH

2010-02-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

Akron Ohio was as cold as Mel Gibson's anti semititic heart. Fortunately, I was able to warm up in that full size jacuzzi tub that was in my room.

Sidney O-hiyyyyyoooo

2010-02-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

Snowy religious statue of some sort at some high school in some place in some part of the country.

Notre Dame

2010-01-30T22:41:00.000-08:00

I had to be "that guy" in this photo in front of the Notre Dame football field (i.e. where the movie Rudy takes place). They had a massive Touchdown Jesus mural as well as a statue of Rudy's coach. Notre Dame is an amzing school, mostly because I am such a big fan of Rudy.

Grand Rapids Michigan

2010-01-30T22:29:00.000-08:00

Grand Rapids, MI.

Indy

2010-01-22T20:59:00.000-08:00

After the Chargers suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the sub-par NY Jets, I found myself in the heart of Indianapolis, where I came upon the ol' capital building and this unsuspecting girl wearing a Colts jersey. She must have been "a ho" of some sort as she did not object to being groped and harrassed by my friends and I, good times.

I had words with a bartender who finally admitted he was glad the Jets won, as he was shaking in his lil boots that the Colts would have to face off against the Chargers again, and lose of course.

Overall, Indy is an amazing city with plenty of bars and food-eries open late, with my favorite being a 3 story bar with a bowling alley on the top floor. This is where the local "dustheads" working there let us know that we somehow played an extra $50 worth of games and drank an extra $50 worth of beer while we werent paying attention. You gotta love the locals, especially when they are fiending for a dimebag by duping unsuspecting visitors. And no, we did not pay the extra cash.

Chattanooga Choo Choo

2010-01-18T20:58:00.000-08:00

We had a day off in Chattanooga, TN home of the OG Chattanooga choo. Also, checked out this cave in the side of a mountain with a waterfall called Ruby Falls they used in the civil war for harboring confederates, the aquarium, and lots of Jack Daniels (due solely to the fact that Tennesse is the home of Jack Daniels). Good times were had by all.

Smoke and Mirrors

2010-01-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

Smoke machines, spot lights and unfettered courtside access were the necessary ingredients in this tasty little morsel of a photograph.

Dirty South

2010-01-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

We have meandered from the upper peninsula of Michigan and Canada down through Kentucky and Tennessee. I must say the South has more than its fair share of dry counties, obesity, cheap booze when you can find it and the quintessential Wal Mart in every town.

P.S. The Trotters are killing it (see above).

New Manties

2010-01-14T08:56:00.001-08:00

I decided to spoil myself and got a new pair of man panties. You know how I like it snug.

Springfield, Illinois Hilton

2010-01-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

After a long hard fought battle, I finally have my own hotel room for the rest of the tour, which means a whole lotta walking around in my boxers, drinking milk from the carton, eating cold leftover fast food, crying myself to sleep, pounding Jim Beam at 3AM, that sort of thing :) This little gem was at the Hilton in Springfield, very sophisticated I might add.

Wal Mart Kentucky

2010-01-12T13:14:00.000-08:00

I heard about this web site called the people of Wal Mart where one can gaze upon the dregs of our society (that's a little harsh, let's just say the less fortunate ones) and have a laugh. I always thought, how do such people exist, where do they live and how do they live?

Apparently a small contingent of them reside in Bowling Green Kentucky, milling around the Wal Mart Supercenter participating in a good ol' fashioned consumer capitalistic frenzy. There are several standard issue characters which made an appearance. Among them were:
1) Meth Mouth
2) Morbidly obese woman using an electric wheelchair in the candy aisle
3) 15 year old carrying baby
4) Really, really old people, that you are scared they will survive this Wal Mart trip.
4) and my new friend and personal favorite shown above, crazy Jesus guy

Crazy Jesus guy and I made fast friends while waiting for a cab, especially after I told him I was jewish.

"Gregory, do you believe Jesus Christ is the messiah?"

"Not really, I'm Jewish."

"Oh my god, I knew I was going to run into you today. I decided to come to Wal Mart and God told me I would run into someone to spread his word. It's you, Gregory, are you ready to accept Christ?"

"Uhhh."

"Do you believe in a heaven and hell, where do you think you're going and why?"

"I'm a pretty good guy so I'll say heaven. Jews don't really speak about hell too much, more reincarnation until you get it right sort of thing."

"NO, Gregory, the old testament talks about Hades and the jews are a lost people. Lost until they accept Christ..."

The intense conversation went on for a half hour so here are a few fun facts that this guy spit out.

-5 marriages
-Studied eastern religions until he saw a woman with a, "bright red aura coming out of her heart chakra, that knocked him back 4 feet, flying into a wall." She was a true believer so he followed her teachings for a few years and she showed him "the path."
-He traveled the world for years seeking mystics, watching monks levitate, burn themselves, that sort of thing for years. Finally, he found what he was looking for (i.e. Southern Baptist).
-Used to drink and smoke heavily, now just smokes 2 packs a day. Apparently he throws some ganj in the mix too. Talked about how he quit everything except cigs and one other substance.
-Lived in LA off Sunset Blvd. during the 70's aka he has done enough drugs to kill 5 small horses.

Good times overall, we hugged and parted ways as friends after I took a photo with him and his amazing gear. I'll never forget you my friend...

Una Mas de la Ninja

2010-01-12T13:09:00.000-08:00

When the stadium goes completely dark, and those spotlights come on that's when I work my magic.

Pregame Flippage

2010-01-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

This photo is of my boy, Ninja, who sits next to me on the bus, during the pre-game show. The dude has some pretty serious b-boy skills, recognize son.

More of this Michigan place

2010-01-07T13:36:00.000-08:00

They tell me I'm not in SoCal anymore. I'm beginning to think they are right.

Upper Michigan

2010-01-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

Head high snow + Jesus Like pose = Wintery Nirvana.

Did I mention that when I tell people from California they usually think I'm gay. Here's an example:

"From California, eh?"

"Yup"

"You surf?"

"Nope"

"Faggit?"

"Uh, not really. I mean I've experimented a few times and all but." (the last part was a joke. For the record I am as butch as they come. Uh, I mean manly).

"I thought so..."

I've also been telling people that I'm the "white Globetrotter" so that's been fun.

When speaking to one Michigonian with a bad case of meth mouth, the conversation went like this, "How do you guys handle the cold out here?"

Reply, "We don't, I fucking hate it out here man, wish I could find a way outta here."

Trottin

2010-01-04T16:57:00.000-08:00

This broken fog machine hooked up some tasty images, but not as tasty as that soul food (above) courtesy of the family of one of the crew. Pork chop over rice, cornbread pancakes, sliced turkey, real mac and cheese, green beans, corn, damn I just had a foodgasm.

Don't F around in the D

2010-01-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve in Detroit was an interesting little foray to say the least. To begin with, my hotel had some fancy club party going on and due to a bone chilling temp of 5 degrees, I donned my shiny shirt, greased up my hair, put on at least 7 dabs of cologne and ventured in (I had to blend in right). I actually didn't do this, but had I done so the rest of my evening could have been wuite different indeed.

Apparently Detroit has a large population of Caldeans (which are a type of Iraqi Christians aka the east coast version of Armenians) that comprised about 90% of the party's demographic.

After hours of imbibing alcoholic beverages at an open bar, one was thrown out of the party and upon telling the bouncers how unappreciative he was of their efforts to end his night early, a brutal melee ensued (see guy with bloodied face). The disgruntled Caldean proceeded to throw a trash can at the bouncers, and his next memory will now forever be that 8 huge, rampaging, out of control bruisers beat him into a pulp on the sidewalk while it was snowing outside.

The bouncers who were wearing auto mechanic's gloves (better for face smashin) began issuing savage beatdowns left and right. Kicking and punching out of line party goers in the face and throwing them on the ground. It was seriously insane, people were bloody everywhere, girls were screaming and crying and more Caldeans kept on coming up to the bouncers for more pain.

The girl (shown above) above started screaming at her boyfriend about this time and hitting him for some odd reason I am unsure of, but it had something to do with being white and not Caldean and him not accepting that fact.

At one point the rowdiest of the bouncers was carried off by the others after going completely apeshit on an unconscious guy, "He hit me first, I'm not going to stop until I find my hat," he cried as his fists rained down on his unmoving opponent with blinding speed. In his defense it was a really nice hat with the stickers still on it and everything.

Meanwhile, a fellow observer tells me, "You don't fuck around in the D!" as we enjoy a cold beer outside while this carnage ensues around us.

Finally, after about 6 people are in need of medical attention, and puddles of blood paint the snow and concrete red, the police arrive and who do they see. Just me, drinking a beer on the sidewalk, smiling and enjoying the scene before me.

The offficer, a "take no shit" 350 pound detroit cop comes up to me, "You are drinking an open container in public, put it down."

"Ok," I reply. As I go to throw the bottel away I take one last sip.

The cop shouts, "If you take a drink, you're spending the night in jail."

Did I mention at this time there was a war going on around me?

Alas, as he says this I am already taking one last sip of the beer and throwing it away, "You want to do it the hard way?" he says as I am thrown against the hood of the police car and handcuffed quite tight. I am subsequently thrown in the squad car while he goes inside the party to break it up.

I couldn't help but laugh at my own misfortune, perhaps my own stupidity. To make a long story short, I see some crew members from HGT and I am yelling at them through the window of the squad car to help me out. Keep in mind I am the new guy on the tour, 5 days in and I manage to get arrested/detained. They are able to smooth talk the cop into letting me go about 45 minutes later as bloodied Caldeans walk by shirtless and swollen, mocking bouncers as they exit. I was thankful the police officer had the courtesy to leave the heat on in the car that whole time, so in a sense I had the best possible view of the scene.

The last words the cop says to me after looking at my ID are, "I don't know how you do it out in California, but this here is Detroit. You don't mess around in Detroit...."

Muchas Miles

2010-01-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

So Far we've hit:

Pittsburgh, St. Clairesville, Cleveland, Toledo, Cincinatti, Detroit, Canada, Detroit, Canada again. 5 days, 9 games, 12,000 images captured and about 1,000+ miles of bus travel.

Cleveland

2009-12-28T23:17:00.000-08:00

Road Pics Cleveland, Quicken Arena

Santa?

2009-12-28T22:21:00.000-08:00

There's something different about this Santa, I can't quite put my finger on it.

Hasta SD

2009-12-24T10:17:00.000-08:00

Today, it is with a heavy heart that I must bid adieu to my beautiful homeland of San Diego to brave the subterranean arctic temps of the east coast. Shortly, I will arrive in Pittsburgh, which now boasts an eye opening 28 degrees of pure cold.

My spoiled SoCal ass is already freezing, but as a M-A-N-E (that spells man) I am left no choice but to power through and rely on my award winning coat of chest hair to keep me warm. My exploits in the past have earned me this mass of untangled, untamed, unbelievable chest fur and it is finally time to put it to use. Don't let me down, buddy.

Below are some pics of my last night in North Park.

And yes Shakas, Steve did piss in your sink while you were in the bathroom.

Where's Greggo?

2009-12-19T16:53:00.000-08:00

As you may know, I am about to embark on an epic conquest of the Northeast American continent and will be gone from Xmas day until late April.

Due to legal implications, I am not allowed to say the name of the group I will be on the road with, but let's just say it rhymes with blarlem blobeblotters. As their tour photographer, I will be sharing my travels on this blog as well as trying to remain free from both incarceration and exile.

I know what you are thinking, you have to leave on Xmas, that sucks. Not for me, due to one reason. J-E-W. We like to eat chinese food and go to movies on Christmas so being on an all expense paid US/Canada tour is not so bad.

I'll miss my fam, my boo, the homies, lil maggie (below w/ natty ice), and cali burritos. Stay thirsty my friends, I will return.

Wedding Afterparty

2009-12-19T16:44:00.001-08:00

The best part about going to a dry wedding is how drunk everyone gets before, during and after. We even had a guy dressed up as a giant penis (oh, I mean peanut).

The Wedding

2009-12-19T16:30:00.001-08:00

Our little boy is all growns ups. JT and Amanda tied the knot and all the homies were there to give moral support and see how inebriated we could get in the parking lot outside (it was a dry wedding for most, but let's just say not for us). Overall, I would say we were successful on both fronts. Yes, it is true I was also the best man and delivered a speech that many have touted as, "Way tighter than that one speech Martin Luther King gave that one time." Their words, not mine.

PS One of these pictures may not have been at the wedding, see if you can figure out which one it is.

Kern River

2009-12-19T16:13:00.000-08:00

After much criticism and a deteriorating fan base, I have decided to throw my towel back in the blogging arena. This time I'm really back. For real, no really. You still don't believe me, huh? Well, fine. Blow it out your ass jerk. Above are a few pics of our Kern River madness, enjoy and stay tuned....

Bittersweet Bocce

2009-08-09T20:52:00.000-07:00

Ever since the first openly straight lawn bowler turned gay again and moved back to Europe, the EBBL (Extreme Bocce Ball League) has taken quite a hit struggling to regain our hetero fan base. Nonetheless, we put our heads together and decided to power on and continue in the true fighting spirit of this league as our forefathers did before us. It wasn't easy but this Sunday we somehow found the booze, meat and motivation needed to persevere and get back out on the course. It was truly an epic day in Boccce Ball History, once again proud to be an all gay league.

The blog is back, bitch

2009-08-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks in no small part to my shiny new digital camera, the ol' blog is now back up and running. Over the past few months I have had lots of time to reflect on the direction of this blog, work on my blogging skills, and train my blog muscles while listening exclusively to "The Final Countdown" by Europe.

So, all of my followers (the whole half dozen of them) can rest assured that there will an influx of new enthralling material on the REGS. And if you find yourself asking, why would I follow the blog of some random dude, then allow me to say, "Shhhhhh, it's okay, Papa Greggy will take good care of you..."

Dillion Dollar Bill

2009-04-02T01:03:00.000-07:00

Hector makes the mad armadillo dollar. Check it out, even though it's been on 6 of my friends blogs already.

Top Gun Trailer Re-Cut

2009-01-24T12:13:00.000-08:00

This under the gaydar trailer for the legendary 80's genre film Top Gun is golden. Have a look and prepare to laugh until you spew bodily fluids out of all your orifices.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekXxi9IKZSA

Jew Fun Facts

2009-01-20T19:09:00.001-08:00

Jewish Fun Facts will be a regular installment on this blog to educate the readers about all the crazy wacky things that those kooky Jews do, which most gentiles are unaware of. Enjoy...

FACT: ALL JEWS LOVE HUMMUS, ALOT!

FACT: ALL JEW SKATEBOARDERS LIKE TO POSE IN FRONT OF ISRAELI FLAGS

FACT: NOT ALL JEWS WEAR THOSE FUNNY HATS AKA YARMULKES (yah-muh-kah), BUT THIS ONE DOES...

Green Monster University aka my cousin's new book

2009-01-20T18:31:00.001-08:00

My cousin Andy Wasif is as comedic as a young virile Jerry Seinfeld and he just wrote a book called Green Monster University: Creating Die-Hahd Fans Since 1901. I will not hesitate to encourage you all to purchase this item post-haste. This comedic "textbook" illustrates the teachings and life lessons that create the the worldview of any hahd core Red Sox fan, which can all be learned at "Green Monster University."

I know what you're thinking, "F$%# the Sox, they win all the time now." This is where you are dead wrong, my friend. After 86 years of losing amidst humiliation and degradation, the only way a Sox fan could cope is through humor, much like the Jews. The result of these repeated postseason thrashings is this tome of knowledge and tomfoolery, a metaphorical guidebook for us all to navigate this crazy playoff series called life.

Hey, don't do it for me, do it because people from Boston are just funny. They speak kind of retahded, they drink cooooffee, they pahk the cah, they bang whoooahhs and instead of getting drunk they get wicked pissah, all that.

Here is a little description, so stop toggling between my blog and internet porn and just focus for a moment:

Green Monster University teaches enthusiasts of all aptitudes and levels of passion what it takes to be a Red Sox fan. This book has every piece of information you'd ever want to know about them . . . some of it factual. With this book, you'll learn about all the intricacies that go along with being in the best fan base in the country.

Andre the Giant, my new favorite drunk

2009-01-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

I have a new favorite drunkard and incidentally it is Andre The Giant, recently crowned the Greatest Drunk Ever by Modern Drunkard magazine. He is pure M-A-N, and could drink your punk ass under the table 20 times over.

Here are some liver blowing statistics about the notorious 7 foot 5, 500 pound wrestler/pile of shit:

Andre the Giant drank 7,000 calories worth of booze every day

According to Hulk Hogan, Andre drank, at a minimum, a case of tall boys during each bus ride. When he finished a can Andre would belch, crush the can in his dinner-platter-sized hand, and bounce the empty off the back of Hogan’s head.

Andre the Giant holds the world record for the largest number of beers consumed in a single sitting. These were standard 12-ounce bottles of beer, during a six-hour period. Andre drank 119 beers in six hours. That’s a beer every three minutes, non stop.

On another occasion, Andre was touring the Kansas City territory and went out for drinks after a show with Bobby Heenan and several other wrestlers. When the bartender hollered last call, Andre, slightly annoyed, announced that he didn’t care to leave. Rather than risk an altercation with his hulking customer, the bartender told Andre he could stay only if he was drinking, imagining, surely, that he would soon be rid of the big fella. Andre thanked the man, and proceeded to order 40 vodka tonics. He sat there drinking them, one after another, finishing the last at just after five in the morning.

As you can see, it's not easy to be a complete piece of shit, but Andre the Giant was determined, committed and belligerent with an unquenchable thirst. He achieved his goals and he wasn't a little bitch about it, setting several world drinking records in the process. Some say he had a terrible drinking "problem," but I disagree, it was a drinking solution. As you can see, this oversized goofy bastard solved alot of drinking issues in his lifetime. Our hats go off to you Andre, Rest in Peace.

Save Henseleys

2009-01-12T18:38:00.001-08:00

Matt Henseley's bar is a dope place to chill. Sunday nights there with DJ Blairly Legal are a damn good time with the Smiths playing constantly (Did I mention Morrissey is my lord and saviour?). The real kick in the balls is that the place closes down early, much like a whore's legs in church. Sign this petition to help the place stay open later. Or don't if you're a lazy pile like me. I really don't give a fuck.

Garbage Blog

2009-01-12T15:44:00.000-08:00

For starters, check out this funny ass SNL vid: